Tuesday, October 21, 2008
yes i know what i am, and no i don't give a damn
You know those days where you wake up and there's this incredibly hard-to-undo knot in your stomach, and you go through the whole day, thinking will this, or this, or this be the one thing that makes it go away? And through the whole day you're just waiting, not knowing what's going to come but just knowing that when it does you'll feel that much needed relief. Without thinking you tell someone, a completely objective third person who tends to lean more to the negative, and you actually get their 'approval' for something that's been on your mind. Just like that the knot's undone and you now have someone to talk to as well as feeling so much freaking release. But at the same time it means you have to face the music and decide what to do about this thing that's plaguing you. It means you have to take action either to quell or grow this terrible thought. That's how I feel now. All over the place but weirdly centred and glad that, while I'm probably risking everything telling this person, at least I have someone completely unbiased to talk to. I hate that there's always a catch in whatever you get; like you can't just have your damn cake and eat it too, it has to be smashed in your face right when you touch it. And that just tends to make you more fucked over and confused than in the first place. It's like you finally have this little comfort in knowing someone else knows but then that's all blown out of proportion and suddenly you're back where you started except a tiny bit better. Or worse.
Idon'tknowwhattodoIdon'tknowwhattodoIdon'tknowwhattodoIdon'tknowwhattodo
If you have an inkling of a thought then please tell me.
Labels: i dont feel i can breathe
10:23 PM
