lynzors

lately, i've been trying to fight whatever's pulling us under

2008-11-15T23:50:00.000+11:00

It was a great ride while it lasted.

But I guess everything has an end and right here now is no different. I won't spurt any corny crap (ie. "Oh I've learnt soooo much about myself!") so let's make this end short and sweet shall we?

In retrospect, this was never much of an emotional outlet for me; sure I had my days, but I've come to realise that spontaneous diary-ing is not for me. I am a word perfectionist. Perhaps the worst you can find. There is no piece of writing you will find by me that hasn't been scrutinised a thousand times over. Imagine doing that to something which captures all that raw emotion; raw emotion that is then glossed over and over again, so much that you can't see what was intentionally there, meant to be there, in the first place. You see, I can't continue on like that.

So here's to everyone who can cope with putting their soul on the chopping block and those who checked up on me from time to time. This girl loves you lots.

/L

cold eyes baby

2008-10-28T23:08:00.000+11:00

I am so tired and sick-- sick of where I am, or lackthereof, right now; sick of itchy eyes and runny noses and "do not think"-ing.

I want so many things it's hard to keep up.
I want to start working so I can fund myself.
I want to see new colours of cultures.
I want to be independent, emancipated.
I want to run and laugh like a crazy lady.
I want to know that I can depend on every day not to screw me over.
I want to not care..........

about you, yes you :)

..................................about anything.

I want an oversized sloppy joe to team with shorts.

I need to get away.

Learn to reframe, rethink, relive.

for every inch we get we need a mile more

2008-10-24T20:39:00.000+11:00

I love today. It makes up for every other rotten time I've had to go through this week. A fitting combination of Pink Day and Tiffany/Sam/Connie's smushed together party was great fun and I haven't enjoyed myself this much since camp ended. I won't lie; I regret my last post and pathetically want to delete it a thousand times over. Except I have this nagging feeling that one day I'll want to look back and read that post, because, as bad as it is, yesterday seems like a turning point for me. No matter how small or insignificant it was an absolute low that I reached and I want to remember the callous reality of it all and what pulled me down. This way, I'll learn. Never the hell again. It's true what they say about friends you know. Forgetting all the times I've said it, I LOVE YOU GUYS SO FUCKING MUCH. Learn from me, surround yourself with friends and good times in-the-making. It's also true what Shirley said on the phone last night, "You lose that closeness with some friends but you always make new ones." Thumbs up to the new friends who make me comfortable and happy now. You're all dears

I'll leave you to it since my posts have been lacking visual oomph lately and this is a little make-up for it. Some extremely belated photos as well as ones from today. Did I already say I love today?

They call it...
The Muffin Top / The Atomic Bomb / The Mushroom / Tryhard Wannabe Hippy (Michael haha)Sophia, Amy and Khena filming me doing something stupid with my hair LOLRandom photo of Michael and I waiting for the bus

It was late but I wasn't sleepy :/

(Finally) the 30/9 photos! Group photo anyone?

Second try.. an Obama look-alike gatecrashed our shoot o_o

NICE! My smile made my eyes disappear haha :D

Rissa came along too (:

Love this one.

caring is creepy

2008-10-23T22:48:00.001+11:00

Nothing good ever comes out of a situation that you yourself know is doomed from the start. Even so, why do we still choose to put ourselves through all that pain and anxiety? Why is it that every time I start to regain some little speck of composure or decent reason something in my head just overrides it and turns said reason into the boorish mush it was in the first place? I am a no-shit-taker. I don't take shit from myself nor will I ever become subservient to anyone else's shit. I live for myself. I weigh everything up and out; analyse every microscopic piece of detail. I know when something is pointless. I know that heartbreak and heartache is inevitable. I know. I fucking know. And yet there's this pore-sized, mite-like, diminutive speck of hope and wanting and God knows what else, that I really, truly want to kill off with a little strategy called the good old mind over matter. The thing is, I can only convince myself for the most part. The rest of the time (like now for instance) I don't know if I can take everything in my head anymore. I am worried and confused and stuck and miserable yet happy and hopeful and determined. I am a person that's stuck in a sinking chest crashing further and faster into the depths of the ocean every minute and I'm trying so hard to find the key to unlock the damn thing yet it feels so easy to just give up and enjoy the ride and what's left of my self-condemned time. It's like I've been breathing in empty air all this time and now there's a bittersweet alternative where there's actually real air but with spikes or something. I am trying so hard to leave everything as it is. To be patient and considerate and optimistic. But it feels like I can't keep it up any longer. I never claimed to be some big time, heroic martyr. But I am trying to be. I really am the little, forgotten coward; the villain's tag-along. The guy every one laughs at and who has no one in the end. I have been trying so hard; I really have. But these days seem like weeks and last term seems like a year ago. Right now I am sick of waiting. Sick of thinking and wishing and denying. Mostly denying. I am in denial. Excessive, compulsive, deep denial that seems to convince everyone but me. Yesterday was so different from today. Yesterday was so much easier than today. Yesterday was more about every one else; more about giving up and turning away and keeping everything under control. Today was for me. Today was so that I could make my own decision and either move on or hold up. To see if I could take all this prolonging and procrastinating any longer.

I'm scared to say that I think I know what I want now.

yes i know what i am, and no i don't give a damn

2008-10-21T22:23:00.001+11:00

You know those days where you wake up and there's this incredibly hard-to-undo knot in your stomach, and you go through the whole day, thinking will this, or this, or this be the one thing that makes it go away? And through the whole day you're just waiting, not knowing what's going to come but just knowing that when it does you'll feel that much needed relief. Without thinking you tell someone, a completely objective third person who tends to lean more to the negative, and you actually get their 'approval' for something that's been on your mind. Just like that the knot's undone and you now have someone to talk to as well as feeling so much freaking release. But at the same time it means you have to face the music and decide what to do about this thing that's plaguing you. It means you have to take action either to quell or grow this terrible thought. That's how I feel now. All over the place but weirdly centred and glad that, while I'm probably risking everything telling this person, at least I have someone completely unbiased to talk to. I hate that there's always a catch in whatever you get; like you can't just have your damn cake and eat it too, it has to be smashed in your face right when you touch it. And that just tends to make you more fucked over and confused than in the first place. It's like you finally have this little comfort in knowing someone else knows but then that's all blown out of proportion and suddenly you're back where you started except a tiny bit better. Or worse.

Idon'tknowwhattodoIdon'tknowwhattodoIdon'tknowwhattodoIdon'tknowwhattodo

If you have an inkling of a thought then please tell me.

you'll go and i'll be okay, it's just a little touch of fate, i can dream the rest away.

2008-10-14T18:37:00.001+11:00

School has officially kicked off on what is not altogether a bad note. I never realised how much I missed the walks from my bus stop to home. Well, until today that is. I love the whole sunny vibe that comes with everything else in Spring. My street is lined with trees which have these pretty purple petals and they compliment the sky and Sun perfectly. It's like you're in a different, peaceful place not, you know, 100 metres away from home. I'd been looking on the start of term with much trepidation: it's the last quarter of a wonderful year that I don't want to end. It's sad that this year went by so rapidly, even though I might have been guilty of wanting it to end for the bigger part. Why can't there be some tape player type that rewinds and fast-forwards through the best years of your life? Then I wouldn't have to mope around and have all these regrets of never doing all the things I wanted to. Or should have but was scared to. It's shit that people think they can make resolutions on NYE and stick to them. It never works. And if it does it's only for stupid people who have too-simple wishes. Well, maybe. I read somewhere that nothing is ever easy or simple. We're all brought up to see and critique all the detail in the world and when something appears to be anything but complex it's because we're not looking close or hard enough. Or maybe we're just trying to convince ourselves otherwise. That's what I believe. Or try to tell myself anyway. I know I'd never survive this term if I looked at it like that though. It's freaking hard to convince yourself of anything most of the time. My yearlies are coming up quite soon and then, finally, I'll be able to really breathe again. I'll let go completely because the interval after that and before Summer will be the best time I've had in a few years. I'm sure of it. For now, I'll take it one day at a time and be happy of what I've gotten through. Put my head down and attempt to get in the flow of things again. Sometimes, I really don't know if I can take any of this school business anymore.

NB: I finally bought the Tokyo Look Book! For more than it's original worth but I've finally got it haven't I? Also purchased a dress from General Pants but photos are for later because it's waiting to be swapped for a smaller size. Same goes for the decade-ago 30/9 outing.

to me you're strange and you're beautiful

2008-10-06T16:53:00.004+11:00

Woke up at 12. Sudden hit of inspiration to study for Science. Gathered all props needed. Sat down. Procrastinated for half an hour. Failed miserably. Hey, at least I actually took action.

That's more than I can say for all the other days I stayed at home hopelessly bored. It's been a pretty mellow (translation: nothing happened / didn't go out unless you count tutor) couple of days where I've been bonding with the good old comp and returning to my KDramaPop days because there's nothing better than YouTube and it's inability to not have everything. I feel like crying right now, or something close, because damn do I want this so badly. Like, batshit badly. I swear it isn't because of what they're ~~not~~ wearing as mentioned in a prior post, but the songs. Boy do DBSK have nice new songs. Let's forget I didn't like them at the beginning shall we? Along with this is my new, literally epic, $25mil, 50 episode, action-packed love, East of Eden, which embodies a hybrid of all the cliches in the drama world and where the love triangles go every which way possible for a leading cast of six. Heck, at least one person has three love interests who have two others, if that makes sense. I thought so. I've come to the realisation that I really do need to get out tomorrow or risk being brain-fried. CAN WE PLEASE GO TO THE CITY TOMORROW FRIENDS? Even if it's only for me to check if the album's being sold. I'm outside. It's all good.

I'm getting this huge headache from having MIROTIC on repeat for the past few hours. Eurgh. Some photos of me needing to get out of the house to anywhere but tutor. And a belated photo of my new high-waisted shorts. I'm getting annoyed at how my skin turns out in photos. If it's not pallid then it's blushy pink. Double Eurgh.

because if we could, we'd choose the person who we thought would never hurt us

2008-10-02T21:32:00.004+10:00

It's been three days since the holidays officially started and one of those was uber fun(ny). Imagine a mob of 40+ kids running around or lack thereof at Parra. Oh yeah. My heartfelt sorry goes out to the Baulko boys we sat next to for ten minutes or so. They must have been terrified by Rissa's loudass burp, "LYN! How could you? Impolite!" "Your face is impolite Riss!", and her English abilities, "Lyn let's sound smart. The umm aroma of the room makes me feel uh nostalgic for the past!" "You're using tautology..." "......what's that?", before we decided to leave and sit with Shirley. Eagle Eye was an okay movie which didn't have much of a visible plot but lots of Crash Investigation-esque action which disturbed me half the time. I feel for the cars crushed for the sake of the movie. The rest of the day was spent walking around the shops in a lot of groups and bumping into at least three other ones from Sefton. Passing people must've thought we were crazy from all the stares they gave us when we all congregated (haha) for the group photo. That and possibly more photos will be up soon when I manage to nag them off the people who took them.

I've been thinking lately that this blog isn't really doing it for me. Like I believe I don't draw enough relief or aesthetic satisfaction from it. That's not to say that I'm deleting it or anything, don't get me wrong I love a good blog where I can look back and be all 'Huh. So this was what I did when I was 15', but I want something where I can stick tangible stuff like tickets or mag articles or hit-home-hard quotes as well as being able to write comments too. There's a book I came across that talks all about the words you leave for memory called "How to Write Your Own Life". It provides all the different options that may suit you in release and stuff like that. Quite spiritual (Tibetan style) but very useful nonetheless. It's helped me consider what I want to do with the things going on in my head and I've decided that I'm going to go out and get me a scrapbook so I can mash that and a journal together. Maybe I'll take a photo or two when that's all up and roaring.

save the kids!

2008-09-26T00:57:00.002+10:00

It's a shame that a term as wonderful and crazy as this has to end. There were those typical, head-desk times where I felt like throwing something every night before an assignment was due or an exam to be done (mind you there were 10+!). But then I realised that I was forgetting all those little moments I've had whether with friends or strangers or random-one-sided-looking. You get the point. I doubt what could possibly be my favourite term from my favourite school year would ever slip away from me. Just ask me in ten years and you'll have a clear cut, straight out answer. What was there not to love about those first few weeks where we were at that almost-Christian-camp and when my birthday came around and my presents varied from shampoo (ILY KIT) to a necklace? :D

Watching the gradution assembly today reminded me that we don't have that far to go ourselves. Most of the time my head's prepared for all this leaving and getting-out-into-the-world business. Believe me, all my friends have heard my rant about leaving Australia and going overseas. I want to experience something different; a new culture type of thing, not just some average Joe American joint or whatever. It's getting progressively harder to imagine myself anywhere else but stuck in this infinitesimal rut as much as I beg and claw my parents for an overseas trip. There's also a little naggy feeling that I won't, and perhaps never will be, ready to stand on my own and all that corny crap. The woes of being a boring over-achiever from an Asian family are devastating let me tell you. Expectations are sky high. And most of the time unattainable. I can hear Shirley right now going "Save your kids and marry a white guy!" LOL.

The end of term means meaningless late nights and later mornings so I've been procrastinating on nothing and catching up on sites. Some of very many interesting ones:
The Bubble - Created by General Pants it showcases an array of teenage writing, photographic, artistic, you pick talent. My favourites are the Literary ones.
PostSecret - Self-explanatory; people send in secrets which are posted up, some are quite WOW. A few books have been compiled from this which are somewhere in the middle of my wishlist haha.
Forever New - For a person who cringes at all non-urban clothing this place has the best 'girly' clothes I've seen in a while. And cheap too. Apparently, a shop just opened in Stockies; I should start hanging around there, I want another high-waisted denim skirt ):

I've also been going through my emails and sorting them so I know which ones to chuck. Last week I found some pictures Shirley sent from a muck-up shoot a year or some ago. God, we were stupid. And so happy.

Peaceeeeeee.

Woo O_O

HAHAS don't ask.

you win some you lose some

2008-09-17T19:50:00.004+10:00

All right I know. I should be getting down to it (so as to say LOL) and cracking onto redrafting my Commerce report as well as remembering my speech / lines for Drama. But if you, like me, had been listening to DBSK's 35s preview of their new album on repeat or seeing the new "MIROTIC" -I am not joking- album cover or watching the teaser MV then NO WAY IN HELL would industry sector or Absurdist Theatre be crossing your mind. It has been made official; I am blinded by the skin-baring, intense-eyed, blank-faced Dong Bang. Not to mention made completely delusional so that anything coming through and out of my mind has a watch out! sexual connotations! sign clinging to it. Oh the wonders of the fangirling world. Which is to say that I am certainly not going back to my obsessive (har har) roots but only that I am trying to experience a little of the fully fledged brilliance brought by five guys in a band. Must. Get. Cracking. ;D

I swear they're not naked 8D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pCTE9KxBJY8

^ song preview.

blurry head

2008-09-15T20:35:00.000+10:00

There is nothing I'd like better right now than for it to be the holidays. This sort of lovely weather deserves to be enjoyed, and what better way to do that than sitting back and soaking in the hot, hot Sun... God, I can already imagine it. But no. The last two weeks of term must be chock full of assignments, speeches, and the like. Which, when you think about it, totally sucks. If I told you that the past (almost) three weeks have been pretty uneventful I highly doubt you'd believe me. I wouldn't even believe it myself if I weren't trying to remember what, if anything, interesting thing had occured. Trying never seems to get me anywhere though so I'll just leave it at that. Might as well type something up that I am completely, crystal clear about. Which is, of course, my wants. Haha. Call me crazy (many people are) but I'd like a pair of nice red, opaque tights for next Autumn. The colour says it all: weird, out there girl who is crazy-cool. I wish. But a girl can dream, right? Next was a pair of gladiator sandals. I say was because I bought a pair on Sunday as a spur-of-the-moment thing. No way in hell did I think I'd walk out of a shoe shop touting them. Good things like that don't happen to me. But would you look at that. My wonderful friends told me they weren't able to lay their hands on The Tokyo Look Book. And so I STILL WANT IT BAD KTHNX. Must make a mental note to visit Kinokuniya. I'll be off watching 90210 now.

Here's to my brand, new, baby cousin Tiffany (pretty name, right T.Wang? LOL) and to my grandpa who respectively were born on and passed away a year ago to this day. Very peculiar. But then so is my shoddy memory.

Looking trashed at 1am after a party. I have no shame. Haha.

Painted black heart from EMPH week.

forever is an awfully long time

2008-08-27T20:46:00.002+10:00

Has it come to anyone's notice that it really is true when they say "Good things come when you least expect & leave when you're most unprepared"? I won't point out any situation in particular, but I've definitely had my fair share of these unexpected, great experiences; it's the leaving bit which has me worried. Because, frankly, that's never happened to me before. And I don't want it to start now if I've got good things going for me. These past few weeks have whizzed by and I'm not really sorry I haven't been blogging. Like I said in an earlier post, life seems like it can't get better right now. Even with all the exams and assignments which are looming, ominously slapping signs on my face that read "WILL EPICLY FAIL". Almost two weeks prior to this was my birthday, made lovely by everyone I can think of. It's times like these that you really appreciate having people who give two cents about how you are; FYI: I have the best friends in the fucking world. Love you guys. ♥ And horribly out of date but here just the same are the pretty things I received (thanks for the plushie today, Aimy) pictured below.

First thing in the morning Anne runs to me and shoves something on my head

Wendy, Khena & Sophia got me the Kid's cookbook (hopeless cook LOL) & necklace, Tiff the doggy (L), and Michael & Crystal bought me the Metro Station album. Beyond words guys, beyond words

Damn straight. I ♥ Japanese Boys.

Kudos to Kitty and her *sanitising* products ROFL, Minh for $5 (hahas), Mina & Sam for the beret, necklace, sunnies, etc. and of course Shirley & Pompea for the Donna Hay cookbook (chef-in-training), Marie Antoinette, white eyeliner and pretty photo. ♥

Last but certainly not least much thanks + love to Colleena for the JMovie (you know me well) and Amy, Delia & Rita for the gift card!

I take it that people blog to vent all those opinions, thoughts and frustrations of retarded teenagedom (or whatever, here's my post for you Tim LOL). But I really see no point in blogging unless something *HOMG major* has occured. Or slightly intriguing / nagging in some way. So this blog won't be seeing a lot of me, but let's just watch that backfire on me because anything I ever think or do tends to turn around and bite me on the ass. Ha ha.

love youse

2008-08-14T22:09:00.000+10:00

♥♥♥ BIRTHDAYS AREN'T COMPLETE WITHOUT YOU GUYS ♥♥♥

Thank you. So much. More later :P

your light is ultraviolet

2008-08-11T20:25:00.002+10:00

I loved camp. Lovedlovedloved every single bit of it. Maybe even the musty old beds and vinyl mattresses. The food was good (for camp), the activities (consisting of Abseiling, The Giant Swing, High Ropes, etc.) were puke-inducing fun and the "oh-I-never-knew-that-about-you" midnight bondings was priceless. Did I mention the crazy disco? It had everyone go outside for some air because of the lights. Madness. The aftermath was not so great; I went home and crashed from 6pm to 11am with a thirty minute Beijing Olympic Ceremony break in between at 2am. Why did camp have to end?! I've been back to the norm of school life for one day and I want out. Again I say, again! CAMP = ♥

I'll tell you something I didn't love though: Breaking Dawn (~~Burning Dawn~~ har har.) From this moment on I shall proceed on with life as if it never existed. It completely and utterly butchered the Twilight series. I mean what the fuck Bella has a kid who literally kills her when Stephenie Meyer clearly said Edward and Bella couldn't and better yet, Jacob falls in love with it and forgets that Bella was his universe for three whole books. What the fuck SM, what the fuck. That is all I have to say.

On a lighter note, the Metro Station album was released last Saturday in Australia (HOORAY!) and while randomly searching for It's ok, I'm wearing really big knickers! by Louise Rennison, which I've been trying to find, I found out that a movie based on the books (out over here 18/09) was released. A really funny movie with a kickass song 'Ultraviolet' by a British band called the Stiff Dylans. And the guy playing Robbie is freaking cute. There goes me dragging everyone in a five metre radius to watch it with me next month. Which reminds me, three days. Three more days. Fifteenage. O-M-G.

not knowing change

2008-08-02T22:48:00.002+10:00

I've been getting this giddy feeling lately where I feel strangely... light and airy in a familiar sort of way, like I've been at this whimsical point an extremely long, almost dream-like, time before and have been waiting so long for its reoccurence. For the past few weeks I've begun to realise that I really am happy right now. Everything may not be perfect, I may still be drowning in school and worrying about countless problems but it seems like my conscience is telling me that life isn't going to get much better than this; Breaking Dawn is out in two days, camp is finally upon us this Wednesday, my orthodontist appointment, the 40H Famine and my birthday are next week, not to mention exams and vaccinations momentarily disappear too. I had a feeling Term 3 (in particular August) would be a great time for me but not this great. And more than half of the things haven't even occured yet.

The only time I remember being this happy is during summer. Or more specifically a summer when I was seven or so. All I can remember is lying on the cool floorboards of my previous house on that hot day and looking out the open door. Funny how the simplest of memories stay with you forever. But I'm sure I was happy. I might have always been back then, who knows, but I know I felt how I do now; as if time has slightly slowed and all my problems can be just that bit more easily ignored. Except I didn't have problems then. I was, not to say stupid in the least, but inexperienced. And doesn't everyone just wish they could stay like that? I'm turning fifteen soon and I can't wait, but as time inches closer and closer second thoughts are taking over. Fifteen is such a big gap from being fourteen, where you still retain being that kid you once were and get away with all those crazy things. There's no turning back once you're fifteen; like a sudden hit of realisation that you'll never be a kid again.

Sometimes not knowing is better than knowing anything at all. Every single day, every single moment that changes, we change. After everything I've considered for my birthday present, after the long list I've compiled, I limited it to four, unextravagant things I really want that my friends could get me (The Tokyo Look Book & Metro Station album) and that my family could (Lacoste flats & Nintendo DS). I figure I'm better off not knowing. Surprises are good (mostly) and knowing takes away that nauseous yet exciting, flying yet falling feeling. I wonder what kind of surprises camp will bring. I know I'll be back with some memories I'll never forget. Maybe small, insignificant ones.

let's be pacific

2008-07-29T18:08:00.000+10:00

HAPPY (LATE) BIRTHDAY AIMY ♥♥

Can someone please check if the sky has turned pink? Because I am finding myself liking See You Again by none other than Miley Cyrus. Now I'm not much of a Disney person (at all) but I pretty much know that she's a tramp. A tramp with a song that has a great beat. I think this has probably been the only earth-shattering revelation that's been realised since I returned to ~~good old~~ school. Well that, Julie's "pacific" interpretation of specific, and this:

J: Hey Lyn what sport'd you choose?
L: Oz (Tag)
J: What language is that?
L: LOL

Sunday was Aimy's party which consisted of Singstar, food, and Singstar. Great fun! And next week's camp. O-M-G.

epik win

2008-07-20T23:23:00.000+10:00

Forget about the Metro Station album Pieces, Part One by Epik High is a freaking masterpiece. They mix just the right beats, rap & vocals for me. Plus the album booklet art is supposedly out of this world, literally and figuratively. I searched it up on YesAsia.com and -drumroll- it's only AUD14.55. If that isn't a sign for me to take advantage of the rising dollar or whatever then you, my friend, are utterly disarrayed; this is perfect. Have I not mentioned I love birthdays? I freaking adore birthdays. Speaking of adore, my sister bought me a floral top from Sportsgirl today. How random and unexpectedly awesome is it that a top I would never pick off the rack might now be one of my spring/summer essentials. It's weird how this world goes 'round, no? I mean one minute I'm dead set determined to get my hair cut and buy black nail polish & white eyeliner then BAM! all I do is preorder Breaking Dawn and get that floral top. Sigh.

Here's how I want my hair cut. It's going to take a lot of growing out though. Apologies for the shit YouTube images which are, of course, stills from Epik High's One MV. It's fate I tell you.

(And sorry Pompea, the birthday wishlist is going up next entry ;)

Epik High does intense songwords: http://flyingcrispi.wordpress.com/2008/04/17/epik-high-one-feat-ji-sun-romanized-lyrics/

no pain, no gain

2008-07-17T12:59:00.001+10:00

What is this you don't know what you've got until it's gone crap? I knew I would be missing out on practically every morsel of food that wasn't liquid or pounded to nothing but I didn't know I'd starve to death. After a while, it's like you don't even know you're hungry anymore; you're just too delirious. What's worse is the pain. Oh no, this isn't just your typical sudden-blast-then-it's-gone pain. It's the advance-slowly-then-hurt-like-shit-for-possible-days-even-with-many-drugs pain. I'm not joking. It kept me up at night, forced me to slurp my stupid food from a straw (then give up) and made brushing my teeth (which is now to be a 20 minute ordeal every morning, afternoon and night) hell. Plus MY LIPS ARE AS DRY AS A FREAKING DESERT. Shit simile, I know, but stfu I recently obtained braces. I need to carry my lip balm everywhere now. I also made the moronic mistake of not getting porcelain metal top and bottom, so I have to suffer with nice braces at the top and normal metal pink ones at the bottom. Stupid, stupid guilt. I already felt bad for adding an extra $300 on the top and then I find out when we get home that my mum wanted porcelain metal at the bottom for me and thinks the bottom looks fug. Gee, thanks for not telling me that before mum. But at least she shed the pain in a new light for me, "Lyn you need to go through this pain to be beautiful. You want to be beautiful don't you?" Well sure I do. I guess.

goodbye dear food

2008-07-15T20:18:00.002+10:00

What was meant to be a trip to the ice-skating centre turned into a see-if-you-can-spot-the-hottest-WYD-pilgrim one in the City (FYI: it epicly failed). It was somewhere between Cabra & Canterbury that we all decided, what the heck might as well check them out and fulfil Lyn's Catholic duty, wasting $3 worth of train tickets we didn't need on the way. Oh well, it was worth it. Sort of. There was this blind guy who randomly sat with us on the way there which made the ride a million types of awkward. He could tell we were Asian. Wow. Then he dissapeared, we got off and the day of aimless wandering began (at 1pm).

Every single place we went had WYD pilgrims carpeted everywhere. Kind of makes me wish I'd paid the $300 to go with my youth group. But no, I don't want to be stuck with strangers thanks very much. We even got lost following them. Never assume a group of pilgrims can lead you to a mass. Before that nothing eventful happened unless you count buying books and magazines (clothes and bags was last Monday). At least I'm positive that I really do want The Tokyo Look Book at Kinokuniya ($39.95) for my birthday. The street style is just so out there but you can draw so much inspiration from it. Boo to all the non-believers who thought this was just a passing phase. And to the dark night that welcomed us home. Please remind me never to get home late again.

Kudos to beattiesbookblog@blogspot

Which reminds me, BRACES ARE TOMORROW. For those of you at Sefton who saw me last on the final day of school, I (or my jaw) will never be the same again. From the many interrogations I've conducted, one tiny thing can be deduced: it hurts like freaking hell. And you lose weight too. I'm not going to pretend I'm unhappy about that one. Doesn't every girl want to lose weight? But oh the pain. Let's see if I survive this one.

this s**t is too legit

2008-07-14T15:23:00.000+10:00

A month until my birthday, who would have noticed. I hate this stupid ageing process we all have to go through. Why can't everyone make like Peter Pan and stay young forever or whatever. Amazingly though, I'm actually looking forward to the upcoming condemnation of fifteenage. There's nothing like going to an MA15+ showing without an adult (I kid ). At least people will take me more seriously. Fifteen comes with that you know; the respect, the attention.. and the I'm-not-a-freaking-kid-anymore .

As it is conveniently the holidays, I've been looking up -ahem- propective gift ideas. Call me self-absorbed all you like, but my day only comes once a year. Might as well milk it for all it's worth . And since my parents have given the green light on buying online.. well you get the point. Not that I'm considering E-Bay or anything. But I've found a rad website (http://www.glamourkills.com/) which sells killer tees, linked from Metro Station's myspace. Who, by the way, are complete and utter love . Very, very nice beats. If I don't get anything I at least want their album. Pretty, pretty please . I doubt it's selling at music stores over here though, but -shock horror- I heard them on mainstream radio. Hopefully this means the album's either out or will be soon. Fingers crossed.

If I were game enough I'd order this tee. And wear it. Fat chance though.

I'm resuming my mapling as of now, because Maple Story is like the raddest thing on Earth.

dead-end rut

2008-07-11T23:37:00.012+10:00

All that crap I said before, about being away for some time then coming back completely changed, well I wonder: is it going to happen over and over again? Because I'm sick of this blog and how it looks and all the things that remind me of my stupid little insignificant, egotistical self. So, again, a change is coming. And my computer got reformatted. Fresh start anyone?

i hate horses. so freaking much.

2008-06-28T18:43:00.003+10:00

No words can express how fucking pissed I am.

My computer has a freaking Trojan.

And it is killing everything.

before the storm

2008-06-22T15:20:00.003+10:00

"I know it hurts. But it's life, and it's real. And sometimes it freaking hurts, but it's life, and it's pretty much all we got." - Garden State

If there is any such thing as being movie-tired I am it right now. From Friday to just then I chocked in Prince Caspian, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Garden State & Napoleon Dynamite. And boy, was Prince Caspian hot. The movie of course, not, you know Prince Caspian (who had some weird Spanish accent). So many action-ful scenes. Sigh. Garden State was pretty good too. Amazing music. So was Napoleon & his dance. Eternal Sunshine was... quirky. Definitely not one for mainstream junkies.

Ah shit. Vaccinations tomorrow T__T

dreaming soon enough

2008-06-19T21:41:00.005+10:00

HAPPY (LATE) BIRTHDAY RISSA & WENDY DEARS ♥♥♥♥♥

I am so tired. So very tired. So I'll make this short. I baked (yeah, you read right) for the first time by myself & I can now safely say I HATE BAKING.

That is all. And I bought another pair of Lacoste flats. Looks like I'll be starting up a collection.

so far gone

2008-06-14T12:49:00.004+10:00

How do you know that you are so far gone with a drama?

You desperately watch it subbed in your native language which you can not read or write save for some lessons years ago.

Iljimae growing on me is an understatement. From the first episode to the fourth that I have last watched, the drama just keeps getting better and better. Lee Jun Ki is the perfect guy to pull off those ~~lame~~ jokes and facial expressions ~~which just make you want to facepalm~~, the backstory is heart wrenching and the instrumentals are *LOVE*. Epic win hands down :D And so here I am breaking out my old Vietschool books (compulsory for a minimum year by all Viet parents) & about to watch my first Viet subbed episode, all because I can't wait for the English release.

Mum, dad where are you?

peace & quiet

2008-06-10T19:52:00.009+10:00

HAPPY 14th DEAR SHIRLEY ♥♥♥♥♥

Fourteen. A year goes by like *whoosh* doesn't it? Mmm, The Aftermath :)

The long weekend ended on a high note when I went over to Wendy's and we made -drumroll- cupcakes for Shirley's birthday. You heard right. I baked something. Like WOAH. ;D The photograph doesn't do them any credit or give half as much pretty as they deserve (I wasn't about to get all that cling wrap off), but what'd you expect? I only take pictures to add visual spiffyness to this blog :P

Iljimae is owning my intrigue little by little. I'm thinking of taking it up as a summer Kdrama since Last Friends isn't really doing it for me anymore (angst much?). Damn this Hallyu wave ~~and the Tell Me dance~~ ;__;

[Edit] Watched first episode of Iljimae & it was- EPIC. No joke or pun intended *___* The drama was unbearably slow but picked up pace towards the end, so I'll stick with it. I pray for more Jun Ki action. There was hardly any unless you count the first ten minutes of ~~OTT~~ CGI. [/Edit]

bring the violins

2008-06-08T14:52:00.004+10:00

Scans from Prologue of FTIsland -soyogi- have been released. They dazzle me more than Edward Cullen ever did. No kidding. *____*

Credits: hinata75@soompi + cafe.daum.net/fti20s

So sue me for being biased, but how freaking amazing does Hunnie look? His sticky-outty hair is teh shiz. And he plays madass guitar too. I want a boy like that :( On the other hand my sister was looking at the album package yesterday and:
“Who’s this guy? He’s so cute.”
“Uh- which one?”
“The one between the pretty singer and the love of your life.”
“OH. That’s Minhwan. He’s my age-ish.”
“Really? What’s he do, guitar too?”
“He’s the drummer. He’s in the photo book too.”
“OMG. I see my little drummer. He has such nice skin.”
Keep in mind that she’s like double his age. >__>

And after listening to both the albums I reckon all the songs are spectacular. Especially their soft rock ballads. Honourable mentions are 집착 (Attachment), 마중 (Meeting), 너 올 때까지 (Until You Come Back) from The Refreshment and Stars from the Prologue. The instrumentation is divine. So is Hong Ki's voice.

I have a feeling Stars will be on repeat for a long time.

[Edit] I can't believe all the drama that's unfolding about the Dream Concert incident. The SNSD thread on soompi's going crazy +___+ And I reckon that not all the girls should get hurt just because of Tiffany or whatever. Thank you God for FTI & their peaceful fandom ♥ [/Edit]

bitter v. sweet

2008-06-07T22:21:00.004+10:00

difsycimsanawyo;, THE REFRESHMENT IS MINEEEE! :D
-
[Edit] ^ That was at 11:25 AM. I am in my normal, insane state now.
-

Happy 1st Anniversary F.T. Island ♥♥♥

First of all, "H0MG 1T'5 B33N 1YK 0N3 Y34R!!!11" - I cannot believe how recently they debuted & the massive fanbase they already have. Every single one of them is so freaking talented & good looking it's freaky-scary. ~~Especially Choi Jong Hun ;D.~~

How odd is it that the day I get FTi's album it's their one year anniversary? I swear the album has the best packaging I've ever seen. It even knocked T off as my favouritest album like eva.

I went shopping today too, to buy presents. And I bought this for me :D

Happy, happy day :)

on track again

2008-06-06T20:50:00.010+10:00

Everytime I slightly disconnect from the world I always come back changed in some strange way. Like at this very moment I realise that I'm not the same as yesterday. Or something like that. In the words of a hypocritical fangirl I am updating myself on F.T. Island. Via Soompi & various blogs. They're like the constant in my life right now. And their album is waiting for me to pick up in Chatswood. Yeah it finally arrived.

Credit: miroro37-f4 + ying_1005 & pandan @ soompi

FT-i Oh how I've missed you:

+ Homg longer soyogi PV, more Jong Hun!

+ Hangeul Island SUBBED

+ Jong Hun looks freaking hot with his guitar

+ Did I mention Jong Hun looks freaking hot?

~~+ Wth Soompi daily maintenanced on me ;___;~~

sentimental drivel

2008-06-05T22:57:00.005+10:00

Over. Completely and utterly gone. At least for now, and that's more than enough for me. Apart from the fact that I epicly failed (I'm not even freaking screwing around, I know I did), it's become a revelation that I haven't been active in my fandoms for what seems like years. And I'm starting to kind of like it that way.

I don't think I need to explain myself. It just feels easier not knowing every single freaking fact that's released every single freaking second. I am over my rabid fangirl-ism (let's watch this bounce back on me). Having said that I spent my afternoon watching Gossip Girl and trying to avoid my fandoms. I think Blair & Chuck are getting me into it. They're the only interesting ones in the whole saga. And the music.

Here's to the feeling that's meant to be gone by now.

These words are my heart and soul / I'll hold onto this moment you know / As I'll bleed my heart out to show - "With Me" Sum 41

downtime

2008-05-24T14:14:00.013+10:00

I am going on hiatus until 060608. I have to cram big time, which means no F.T Island, no fangirl updates, no blogging. School is a total bitch come exam time. But what can you do?

-
5 things I'll realise that I've realised when I come back:

#1 F.T Island still owns my soul
#2 SHINee is growing on me. Rapidly. No joke.
#3 EPIC is still uber cool word of the month.
#4 The Refreshment album is mine foreverandeverandever.
#5 I need a life.

bullshit is fun

2008-05-24T01:37:00.005+10:00

Maybe I'm delusional. But I've been listening to Replay - SHINee on repeat for hours. Damnit I told myself I'd only stick to one fandom. How hard can that really be? I mean, F.T Island still is the most epic out there..

I'm really sleepy right now yet somehow I can't sleep. It's like my body is refusing to sleep or something. I don't think I've slept before 11 since the holidays; my eyebags are HUGE. And I am unreasonably pissed. And the Romeo & Juliet play was today. It was set in the outback. Elaboration not needed.

Note to self: Get off ass and freaking study.

crushed or overjoyed?

2008-05-21T22:16:00.004+10:00

TBS has announced that it is producing a television drama based on "Koizora," the mobile phone novel that became a hit movie last year. The film starred Yui Aragaki and Haruma Miura, and both saw their popularity rise after the movie took in 3.9 billion yen from more than 3.1 million admissions.

The drama will feature an entirely new cast, with auditions being held for both Aragaki's and Miura's roles. The cast is expected to be finalized by mid-June so that filming can begin for a summer broadcast.

Credit: tokyograph.com

Summer means sometime in June/July, HOORAY. But all new actors; I don't really know about that. I can't see anyone but Miura & Yui being the characters. I WILL MISS HIRO'S BLEACHED BLOND HAIR D': Prease to return with the drama?

they've done it again

2008-05-20T21:53:00.009+10:00

(ONEW, JONGHYUN, TAEMIN, MINHO, KEY)

SM boyband SHINee is debuting 25 May. To be honest, that is the weirdest band name I have ever heard; and I thought F.T Island was weird 8D But apparently not. And it isn't even pronounced shinny like I first thought; it's freaking SHINY. Which is kind of cool in that weird Although I gotta say their clothes are pretty rad. But Minho's pants scare me; he looks hawt though *__* And Key's top thing is all snazzy xD And I swear someone had a little joyride with Paint on Tae-Min's shirt. Errm, prease to scrap the rad clothes part. Minho's the only one who actually screams "I will win over all you fangirls BWAHAHHAS".

I guess I'll give their music a try though, if only for Minho & my superficiality xD It should be natural for me to jump up & down and flame this group to pieces. Because they remind me of F.T Island a lot. But weirdly I think they'll be an all right band. Tell me I'm wrong.

[Edit] Umm yeah all that was before I saw this picture. Clothes = epic win [/Edit]

[Edit 02] Now an official forum member. I take everything back. They are kinda all really hawt xD I gotta say Minho is EPIC win ♥ [/Edit]

it's worse if you know but you still do

2008-05-19T23:14:00.008+10:00

I've been riding on a high for the past few days. Maybe it's the feeling that right now I'm safe. Safe in the least literal, most selfish way possible. Safe because I can do those aimless, time-filling little things before my life is taken over by stress/review notes/highlighters take your pick. Right now I have nothing to worry about save for squashing that stupid, nagging brain that's telling me to study.

I'm going to milk this week for all it's worth before I have to conform. Sometimes I wonder if you really need to get excellent grades to get a great job and money so you can be comfortable. But then I think to that trip to Japan; my designer clothes; the pretty house by the beach. And I know there's no other way. Let's hope I'll get through all right.

I swear Stop & Stare by One Republic is making me all moody and weird.

On a lighter note I have discovered the epic (word of the month, I'm lame I know harhah) win that is F.T Island. Apart from the sick satisfaction I get knowing they're all around my age; the instrumentation and vocals freaking made me fall off my chair literally. Personally, I like Jong Hun. Pictures later.

green heart of me

2008-05-13T19:25:00.014+10:00

I've got a two page Science report due tomorrow and, of all the days, I'm on this damn thing. As of yesterday, I am going into emotional withdrawal. Or a cold-winter-weather one. Whichever one comes first. It is Term Two, and while you probably have no freaking idea what the hell I'm talking about: IT IS TERM TWO. O-M-G.

I envy those people on the other side of the world whose summer is just starting. I envy those three months they have. I envy the possibility of that summer which they'll remember for the rest of their lives because of the heat, if not for the ice-cream/fleeting romance/holiday. I crave summer like anything right now. Please come back from vacay soon Mr. Hot Sun.

A change is coming. When? I haven't a clue. I just know.

Seasons are changing

And waves are crashing

And stars are falling all for us

Days grow longer and nights grow shorter

I can show you I'll be the one

- "Your Guardian Angel"

The Red jumpsuit Apparatus

i think i dreamed you into life~

2008-04-26T21:37:00.008+10:00

The holidays are almost over. I think that I'll be abandoning this blog really very soon. It's not my fault I can't keep a consistent one. Ep 1+2 of Last Friends is teh shiz, so as to say (: It both scares and humours me in the weirdest way possible.

And yeah, I finished all 13eps of SujuFH. I couldn't help it. 13 Korean boys living with 2 foreign girls is the funniest thing I have ever seen; or so I thought. They have another show that aired called Explorers of the Human Body. Now that is teh freaking shiz hands down. I mean, they eat the hottest chilli in the world all the while crying and making funny noises. *WIN*

UFO: I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
YC: I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life

~ Yoochun ♥

no more excuses.

2008-04-19T19:57:00.005+10:00

Last Friends is finally out for dl~ THANK YOU GOD!

I thought the complete + utter adorableness & hilarity of Super Junior Full House was going to drag me over (to the other side) and eat me alive. Chyeah, I watched it. What else was I supposed to do; sit around hitting F5 in the jdramas ljcomm.? Been there, done that.

The one thing that's getting me is that I've got a 650 word narrative due for tutor tomorrow. And I've got a 700mb hardsubbed episode waiting for me on my laptop.

Damnit.

super junior m? super junior m who?

2008-04-17T22:43:00.003+10:00

I am calm now. Very, very calm. Even though my brain has been half fried. SJM are a sub group from the Korean boyband Super Junior; they debuted a few days ago on 080408 & are trying to break into the CPop market; singing in Chinese (4 are Korean, 3 are Chinese). I know. But they're pretty damn good at it. U by Super Junior M has got to be one of the best MVs I have ever seen in my entire freaking life. Warning: An extremely long & DongHae-centric post ensues

....

*drumroll*

...

Introducing LEE DONG HAE

(if sparkle text existed on blogger..)

Getting down for Dong Hae (8

Leader Han Kyung/Geng

Ohmycrap he looks almost better than Dong Hae x__x
In that evil, twisted way..

This is Henry Lau

(the only reason I can remember is cos he's Canadian-Chinese

ie. actually LITERATE)

He plays madass violinPresenting Siwon aka Model of the Year

(no joke)
Manlier than all the guys combined, the only reason I don't have caps for him is cos I cbf xD He'd have tonnes though, right up there w. DongHae & HanKyung (:

Honestly, I can not remember the next two x___x

But this is Zhou Mi. I think.

And together they make-

(lots of, erm, imaginative dance moves)

-SUPER JUNIOR M (for "Mandarin" hahas :)

Last Friends where are you?! *clings to Nishikido Ryo's JE-fied leg*

this is a dream; i am dreaming

2008-04-16T22:56:00.010+10:00

OHMYDONGHAE. Why must you be so freaking @*$cn(#$?!

Must

U - Super Junior M vid.

not

Now. *searches for dl*

cross

My soul has flown right out of Nishikido Ryo & into the claws of the KPOP BOYS.

line~!

FangirlGod please help me.

where did you go, mr. ice cream?

2008-04-15T19:59:00.004+10:00

I liked today, today was very nice ☺ There was a change of the karaoke plans cos we had to be 18+ to enter, but the 7 of us (Shirley, Wendy, Pompea, Lakhena, Kitty, Jane & me) still had heaps of awesome fun in other places anyway~! I swear I felt so stuck to Chinatown for the whole day. I actually made myself a promise before that I'd just go & look for Honey & Clover then scoot right outta there; and I found it~!! But we came back like 80 million times.

Gomen ne for the extra bad quality~

I think we spent most of our day either walking the wrong way or in Galaxy World; which I was kinda fine with. The Galaxy World bit I mean. I was expecting all yucky people to be there (which there were like tonnes) but then some were okay ✓ This one fobby Korean manboy asked me for help cos the shooting game wouldn't accept his coins. He had a manbag. And was super moody. But cute in that tall, skinny, hair-in-your-eyes kinda way~

Gosh, was the shooting game fun :D And so was Street Fighter.

Fully pro Pompea + me xD

I actually saw a film poster advertising some Taiwanese movie that was showing. I fully had an O-M-G moment cos seriously, an asian movie in Aussie cinemas?!

The best thing about the whole day was meant to be ice-cream at Darling Harbour. It turned into a bit of a mess, but let's not regret any of it~! We ended up having a great time stuffing ourselves w. a whole expensive tier of ice-cream, whipped cream & nuts.

The weird thing? I lost a kilo. Maybe that was from swimming today & yesterday o__o

where were you when i watched hana kimi?

2008-04-14T14:58:00.008+10:00

I recognise that I have absolutely no life other than looking up JE Boys, but seriously, it's not my fault I chose fangirling over shoe shopping w. my mum. It's the holidays; can't I laze around for a day then go out on the others? I'm going swimming later anyway.

This zoomin-ed picture doesn't do him any justice ):

(Why don't they have any HQ pics?! Why?)

(And pls ignore the unbuttoned shirt~ all eyes on Furu)

In truth, this entry is really just a v. pathetic attempt (yes, I am still bitter from my last post not an hour ago) at promoting & flailing over Furuhara Yasuhisa. If only blogger would let people add sparkle text, youse would be blinded. This manboy(?) is just a manboypile of freaking pretty-cute. http://y-furuhara.at.webry.info/ ‹--- He blogs about cake & machine animals for goodness sake ♥

the little things.

2008-04-14T13:03:00.006+10:00

How do you stop being selfish? How is it that people say "I'm gonna change, I'm gonna be different next time" but they still put themselves first over and over again. The worst thing is you know. You know what you're doing is wrong, yet you still choose to go through with the guilt and the shame and the "I swear i'll be different next time". But it never is. Maybe just once, but then you'll always go back to that selfishness. Even when that person has done so much for you and all you can do is find a million different reasons why you did what you did; it still isn't enough.

It never is.

all you need is balance ↔

2008-04-13T22:33:00.011+10:00

Do not get me started on green tea ice cream. Whoever invented it was genius (well duhh they were Japanese). It's like- well imagine the best thing on Earth x ∞. AHUH. (FYI: There were other people there too y'know, I'm not some 3 bowl ice cream hog 0:)

I stayed at Tina's last night and she had like no food, so we went out to eat Japanese. I thought the Soba & Gyoza was yummy.. then I tasted GREEN TEA ICE CREAM (rocks my world). Everyone mustmustmust try it~ okie?

And you must try Ramen (ROTFL Wendy) too. It's like Soba. Except it's called Ramen. I had that for lunch today at some other JRestaurant (I think I gained a tonne in the past 2 days). And the waiter was pretty. I like pretty waiters ♡

To make up for all that eating I had to do a whole lot of shopping:

TY Shirley for the beret idea; while we were shooting her movie I had to wear one of them, and I guess it stuck ☺

I have absolutely no idea what to do w. the plaid-flannel shirt. It was an impulsive buy. Unfortunately (or not) the Levi's were the same.

The one thing that I'm happy about is the oversized PF knit, cos.. well it's an oversized knit; being rad needs no explanation. I (heart) the whole oversized top+tights concept right now. Again, inspiration came from Shirley ♥ (^o^) cos she cannot go wrong :P

And of course, what trip is complete without a JMag (w. NEWS on the cover, FINALLY) and a Kino notebook and a book? I only wish we could've went to Chinatown, cos I think Honey & Clover's out ): Although I reckon I might be able to come back, cos -get this- for Kitty's party we're karaoke-ing in the ct. How freaking cool is that?

ohh, you look shiny~

2008-04-12T02:35:00.037+10:00

The state where you're like half awake and three quarters dead is hitting me hard. Is that even freaking possible? I should've been off in some odd world where old men look at my baby photos & epic wars are raging on (umm, yeah I know; my dreams) yonks ago, but thank this stupid blog & my inability to go to bed before 1 am. It's not that I'm not sleepy; it's that I can't sleep.

Note to self: Please don't keep this up when school starts

Last Friends aired in Japan last night~ NISHIKIDO RYO AS THE KING OF DV (cue: like HOMG! the kakoii one who's risking his JE reputation to play an abusive boyfriend) This means like a few days left until the subs come out! *enter escstaticness* Hopefully I can keep busy till then, doing God knows what.. Talking of keeping busy, JRestaurant+Kino this Sunday~! I can finally go & buy much loved JE stuffs + DBSK goodies :D

(I swear I'm not converting o_o" It's just.. JPop never sounded better than w. KSingers *gets bricked*)